My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and have discussed moving in together on several occasions. We both feel we’re at a point in our relationship where it makes sense.
So why not?
She insists it’s because her parents would not approve of a man and a woman living together before marriage. My knee-jerk reaction, being the male from the individualistic culture, is so what…you’re an adult just do what you want.
This brings us to one of the biggest differences between my girlfriend and I: our relationships with our parents.
When I moved out of the house, I left with the understanding that I would be supporting myself and that unless there was an emergency, I was essentially on my own. In turn, I was able to do whatever I wanted and since I’ve been an adult, I’m hard-pressed to recall a time when my parents told me what to do. I’ve also had a more casual relationship with my parents and it’s not uncommon for me to speak to them in a friend-like manner.
My girlfriend’s relationship with her parents has a much more defined power distance; they are the parents, she is the daughter. Despite the fact that my girlfriend is in her late 20s, her parents still play a role in her decision-making. Coming from a collectivist culture, her parents are more likely to provide support to her and even extended family members. Her father is incredibly generous and I admire the extent to which he has helped all of the family around him; in turn he is given a tremendous amount of respect within the family dynamic. It’s also important to note that going against your parents wishes is often seen as a disgrace in Indian culture.
So why not?
She insists it’s because her parents would not approve of a man and a woman living together before marriage. My knee-jerk reaction, being the male from the individualistic culture, is so what…you’re an adult just do what you want.
This brings us to one of the biggest differences between my girlfriend and I: our relationships with our parents.
When I moved out of the house, I left with the understanding that I would be supporting myself and that unless there was an emergency, I was essentially on my own. In turn, I was able to do whatever I wanted and since I’ve been an adult, I’m hard-pressed to recall a time when my parents told me what to do. I’ve also had a more casual relationship with my parents and it’s not uncommon for me to speak to them in a friend-like manner.
My girlfriend’s relationship with her parents has a much more defined power distance; they are the parents, she is the daughter. Despite the fact that my girlfriend is in her late 20s, her parents still play a role in her decision-making. Coming from a collectivist culture, her parents are more likely to provide support to her and even extended family members. Her father is incredibly generous and I admire the extent to which he has helped all of the family around him; in turn he is given a tremendous amount of respect within the family dynamic. It’s also important to note that going against your parents wishes is often seen as a disgrace in Indian culture.
When you consider all of these factors, it's easier to see why she cannot be expected to just do what she wants and not take her parents wishes into consideration.
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